I have been fired. No, that's not right. Let me try again.
After 10 weeks, I have been replaced in a job I did not seek, nor was I paid for, nor did I feel is my fulfilling Spirit-calling. So, why am I feeling relieved and sad at the same time???
This pastor's wife is called upon frequently to fill-in for a ministry vacancy. I have discovered that my Spirit-gift is being a glass of water: pour water out on a table and it pools in the gaps and crevices. I fill gaps and crevices. Just this last year we have had three ministry staff changes at church and guess who filled the gap for each one?
The problem with being a gap-filler is that when the gap is filled, repaired, realigned, redefined and the work of the Lord goes forward, I am left with the loss and grief of letting go of the ministry. It is painful for me to see any of my extended family go without, so I embrace the ministry as if it has truly been given to me by God for forever. For as long as the assignment last, I pray for the anointing and discernment to accomplish what God wants done. In order to do the work, I have to take possession of the ministry. It is my responsibility and assignment.
Letting go is hard. Now in His time, God has brought a lovely young lady to take my place. He has gifted and is equipping her for this ministry. She will 'increase'; I have to 'decrease'. At times like these, John the Baptist comes to mind. Reading again about him and his willingness to do the hard job and then know when to back off helps me to adjust my role. (Of couse, there was that business of getting his head cut off... he decreased, not quit being a voice for God!)
So, I guess I was not fired or replaced. I am finished with this assignment and ready to move on. What's next, Lord? (Please, not prison and my head cut off!)
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I agree about the head cut off thing...seems that would be a bit uncomfortable. I think that in every ministry, everytime there is a changing of the guard and we step away from what has become "normal" for us there is a sense of loss. A lot of times when I look to serve I sometimes feel like a football/basketball/soccer player that turns the wrong way for a hard pass. I always remind myself that God will set us up in the right place, the right time and with the right people.
ReplyDeleteI never thought about your being sad when these "assignments" you so graciously fill come to an end, but it makes perfect sense you would. I know Pastor will be so happy to have you back where he can see you :o) Appreciate your heart, Paula, and also your being so capable and talented in so many areas. It's so wonderful when we allow God to use us as HE sees fit.
ReplyDeleteSusan
I hope you get another "position" to fill soon! I totally understand how you feel!
ReplyDeleteWow...that's an interesting position on filling the gaps. I love the picture of pouring the water to fill in the crivices. I've had to do that on many occasions, and honestly, I haven't always seen it as my "calling"..but instead, "helping my husband's ministry out". I love your perspective.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Susan
I'm with you...I wouldn't want to go as far as John the Baptist did!
ReplyDeleteBe refreshed while you are waiting to be reassigned.
God bless
Hi Paula,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that with us! True ... it is very hard letting go someimes. Amen & amen!
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This was so good. People who love people can't help but get attached. I am glad you are able to wear so many hats, but I will be very glad to have you back in service with us.
ReplyDeleteI understand the mixed emotions. I have, in the past, had some gap-fillers, in fact, some very interesting gap-fillers (such as a 14-month stint at NASA). My job was always to fix a problem and get things running smoothly for someone who was more of an implementer and less of a change-master to take over. It has always been hard to leave because one cannot make change or fix problems without developing relationships. I think the sadness is due to the subconscious, rarely expressed, realization that these relationships are not only going to change but also in spite of our best intentions and wishes may well disappear.
ReplyDeleteI hope your next gap-fill position comes along quickly. That does help!
Blessings!